I identify as a woman, a dyke, a feminist, above all else; and I've lived a life that has reflected that. Dana's identity was never as fixed- I remember him getting upset with me, shortly after we met, when I jokingly referred to him as butch. I don't think his butchness made sense to him because his identity as a lesbian didn't entirely make sense to him. Years later, its become clear why. Dana was never at home as a butch dyke because Dana is male. He didn't have words at the time to articulate that, didn't have the confidence to know he could move across boundaries and definitions and still end up okay.

In many ways, Dana has always felt male to me. His masculinity seemed so natural and essential and was always alive and present in our relationship. It was one of the qualities that first attracted me to him, which seems odd given my identity, but I have always loved his queerness. Dana's transition has felt like the most honest movement we could make as a couple. His transition has enabled the outside world to see him how I always have. His essence has not changed at all- he is the same person I have always loved and respected: smart, playful, gentle, generous, hard working, on and on. If anything, his transition has enhanced these qualities his friends and family have always recognized and loved in him. Because he feels so much truer to himself, he is able to be truer with the people around him. I suppose he is a more authentic version of himself in many ways.

Dana and I have talked a lot about the external and internal worlds and how we are perceived in each of them. To the outside world, and now especially with the baby, we look like a typical young, straight couple. I think Dana likes that its so easy for us to disappear in public now and I’ll be the first to admit that I feel a hell of a lot safer navigating the world with heterosexuality being assumed- but, honestly, it also makes my skin crawl a little. I've definitely had to develop a lack of concern for that, had to relinquish some dykey ego. I think that's been good for us- developing thicker skin and a lesser concern with external perceptions.