get a therapist who is trans-friendly? What if the only therapist within a 50 mile radius is an (no offense meant) evangelical Christian who thinks being trans is a sin against God? Not much chance of getting any of those letters, now is there? What if you can’t afford to see a therapist?

Another trans-specific problem is that insurance drops us like hot potatoes if something even smells trans-related. They rarely, if ever, approve reimbursement for hormones, surgery, and the like. For instance, I pay $200 out of pocket every three months or so for my hormones, and about another hundred or so for anti-androgens. Sexual Reassignment Surgery runs about $20,000 or so. The supreme irony, however, is that practically all the procedures and regimens that trans people ask for, and are frequently denied by insurance, are covered by insurance for non-trans people. Menopause? Here, have some hormones. Breast cancer? Here, have a mastectomy.

One of the biggest forces that influence my life is the image of women that the media pushes on us. When I was a guy, all the advertising directed at me was designed to pump up my ego, and make me feel good. Now that I’m ignoring that, and paying attention to the advertising and products directed at women, I’m realizing how much it is designed to play on my insecurities. I’ve never had the best skin, being a redheaded Irish girl, but I’ve become so much more conscious of it as a girl. I feel like if I don’t go out with full makeup on, the advertising machine makes me feel like I’m ugly, or that I’m not a girl. The same with my hair, my clothes, my…everything! I used to joke that the only time I ever felt underdressed was when my family went to Italy. I spend most of my time in jeans, a t-shirt and hoodie over that, and even though I feel comfortable in that, peer pressure makes me feel like I should be dressed to the nines all the time.

Finally, the biggest force in my life is the government. See, I can get my name changed, but unless I have SRS, I can’t have the gender marker on my birth certificate changed. Without having my gender marker changed, I’ll be outed whenever I apply for a job, or register to vote, or do anything that has a mandatory “Male_ Female_” checkbox. If, God forbid, I ever get arrested, I can be put in a mens prison, and I think we all know how THAT would turn out? Small meek girl, breasts, etc., and lots of men. Yeah. That’ll end REAL good. Since the government has all my documentation, my life gets interesting the more I transition. If I change my name on my birth certificate, but not my social security card, they’ll send a “no-match” letter to my employer, which outs me instantly. I’m in a double bind if I get my gender marker changed, though. See, I’m chromosomally male, which means that although I’m not happy with the parts I’ve got, I’ve got to worry about them. I can get prostate cancer. Until I get them removed, I can get testicular cancer. That ties into documentation in terms of how insurance companies treat me. If I get my marker changed, then I can’t really have access to treatments for things I might get, because after all, women don’t have prostates, right?